Bigger Is Not Always Better!

A few weeks ago, my daughter asked me if I knew the size of the Apollo 11 computer. We were chatting with a group of folks about cell phones, and remarking on the constant upgrades regarding the size of today’s computer memory and storage capacity.  I asked her if she remembered her first computer which held 40 megabytes of information.  It was smaller than that, I told her.  I asked one guy in the group, who was taking pictures with his cell phone, how much memory was in his phone.  It held three (3) gigabytes of information, he replied.  Could the astronauts of today land on the moon armed only with a cell phone?  I’m afraid not!  Comparing the 1969 Apollo 11 computer to today’s cell phones is not fair.  While today’s electronic equipment is far more sophisticated and performs infinitesimally more tasks, none would do the job that was specifically designed for the Apollo 11 computer–  land a spacecraft on the moon.

The computer on Apollo 11 could multi-task 8 jobs at a time, which by today’s standards is not a very large deal, but was mind-boggling in the 1960’s.  Bill Gates system of using “windows” and a chip that could fool a computer into thinking it was doing one task while actually performing a dozen or more was far on the horizon.  But long before Gates, the Apollo computer did what the Windows operating system can’t do.

Most of us are familiar with software heavy programs that stall our computers and require opening the Task Manager to shut down a program or even requiring us to “reboot” our machines.  And if the power goes out, well . . . all is lost.  When the Apollo Lunar Guidance System computer overloaded, it rebooted itself, prioritized the data, and processed the most important jobs first.  How much would you pay for a computer that rebooted itself and ignored unimportant data?

While the LGC (Lunar Guidance Computer) was incredible for its day, keep in mind that no software programs were written yet.  For the first time in history, a machine was built that would accept instructions, store them on a “rope” memory system (no hard drives), and perform the mathematics as required.  Software was written from scratch . . . no internet, no computer languages or websites to look up to help develop the code.  The MIT experts who worked on this software have since stated that if they knew how far advanced such software was at the time, they probably would never attempted it.  Fortunately for NASA’s space program, ignorance is bliss!

The fact that Apollo’s LGC could reboot itself proved invaluable when the computer became overloaded on the landing module during the Apollo 11 flight.  The success of the Apollo 11 moon landing was due partly to the astronauts distrust of engineers and technology starting with the Mercury space program. Designers felt that the astronauts were pure passengers and that calculations and automation alone would carry the astronauts into space and safely home again.  Since the astronauts were essentially jet test pilots, they were familiar with technological failure and the value of the human element in airplane flight.  The first American spacecrafts, the Mercury capsules, were designed with no controls and a “bolted” down hatch.  The astronauts protested.  First the hatch was attacked by the spacemen, who felt it necessary to be able to unlock the hatch and escape the vehicle.  When the designers refused, the astronauts threatened to sabotage the program by refusing to fly.  Needless to say, the astronauts got their way.

The pilots attitude proved invaluable time and again, as certain events during space flights did not always go as planned.  The Apollo 11 flight was no exception.  During the separation of the lunar lander, the cabin was not fully depressurized causing a “champagne cork” pop that, unbeknownst to astronauts Armstrong and Aldrin, threw the lander four miles off target.  That fact would be of major concern just before the lander, nicknamed the Eagle, was scheduled to touch down on the moon.  As the lander approached the moon, the tiny Apollo computer overloaded.  First a 1202 alarm sounded, indicating that no core sets were available, or that the computer could no longer process additional information, so certain functions were being dropped.  Much closer to the moon a 1201 alarm sounded due to the fact the computer was overloaded from processing unneeded radar information.  The computer rebooted, dropped the radar information and continued to process important tasks, like steering the descent engines and continuing to display data to the control board.  Suddenly, when Armstrong looked out the window, he noticed the module was headed for a huge crater.  They were off target by about four miles, probably due to the separation “pop” mentioned earlier.  In the spirit of the Mercury astronauts, Armstrong switched off the automatic pilot, continued to fly over the monstrous crater and landed the craft manually.

Yes, bigger is not always better when it comes to computers and while our intellect seems to grow ever dimmer in the shadow of the onslaught of artificial intelligence, we can only hope that like Armstrong on that summer day in July 1969, we can flip the switch of technology to “off” and steer our lives and, indeed, our world manually.

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O.K. I’m a Blatant Heterosexual!

I’m waiting for the guy who walks into the party and exclaims, “O.K.  I don’t care who it offends, but I’m heterosexual!”  Will anybody care?  Probably not.  Perhaps it will invoke a few chuckles, maybe a couple of raised eyebrows, but that’s it.  So why does anyone care if someone “comes out” and declares he or she is gay.  Sadly, we are not as far along as I once thought.

The latest news in the gay parade is Jason Collins, the NBA star that announced his sexual preferences and, as a result, was even interviewed by George Stephanopoulos on ABC’s Good Morning America about it. Apparently he is the only major league sportster to openly discuss his sex life of the four major sports leagues.  Can sports stats get any more complicated?  And Jason says he’s the only gay man in the NBA, as far as he knows.  It must be tough to get a date in the NBA plus adding a whole new dimension to the term “court” in basketball.  Jason also can’t believe the support he’s getting from other players in the league and even the President.  Support?  For what?  He’s gay!  So what?  Apparently, to maintain the ludicrous ideals of political correctness, we are willing to act like 1950’s sycophants and make a big fuss that it’s O.K. to be gay.   Back in the 1950’s, perhaps a sports star or movie actor would need some public support, since the general public still believed that men were men and ships were wooden, but we’ve come a long way since then.  Or so I thought.

In the good old days, even big movie stars kept such secrets in fear it might corrupt their careers due to prejudice and bigotry.  Sometimes it wasn’t until a star died that the general public was given the truth, as was the case of Perry Mason star, Raymond Burr.  Other stars slowly admitted to homosexuality and both we and the stars survived.  Montgomery Clift, Paul Lynde, Rock Hudson, Dick Sargent, Robert Reed, Marlon Brando and George Takei all survived with lives and careers intact.  Most careers even flourished after the news which paved the way for others to admit that they just weren’t too fascinated by the opposite sex.

For decades, some of the best moments in sports were a result of homosexual competition.  Who can forget the Billie Jean King versus Bobby Riggs tennis match?  So arrogant and boastful was Bobby Riggs that even devout Christians and Genghis Khan followers were cheering for King.  King handed him his ass, defeating him, 6–4, 6–3, 6–3.

Other notable gay athletes are Martina Navratilova, Kwame Harris (NFL), Hohn Amaechi (NBA), and diver Greg Louganis.  They’re all great athletes living normal lives after “coming out” during or just after their sports careers.  Their fans are steadfast and still admire them.  So to Jason Collins and his headlines, well, it’s been done before.  You’re gay, we don’t care, get over it!

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Beantown, Brothers and the Bomb!

Of all the sports venues in which I participated as an athlete or spectator over the years, I never worried about a bomb.  It is a career that spans over 45 years and now I visit “roadside” outdoor sports venues at least six times a year.  None of these include stadium or arena sports where the effects of a bomb would be truly devastating.  They are marathons, half-marathons and triathlons which are not generally good targets for terrorism.  Why?  Clever terrorists try to maim, injure and kill as many folks as possible with the least effort, which means that enclosed or cordoned areas, such as a stadium or arena, are perfect bombing targets as people are concentrated or confined by walls, seats or other permanent structures.  Road races and outdoor sports that involve long distances results in a crowd that is not concentrated, but is dynamic and always moving.  Those who gather along these routes to watch and cheer are usually smaller in number.  Any percussion or shrapnel from a bomb is mitigated by open air and a sparse crowd.

The Boston Marathon bombing is a tribute to the stupid terrorist, or in this case, the stupid Jihadist.  A pair of guns would have been much more dangerous in this situation and the death toll would have increased dramatically.  If our dear bombing brother Jihadists were regular Family Guy viewers, they would know the damage could be increased ten-fold by simply mowing down competitors with an automobile.  But these brain-trusts, thinking they wouldn’t get caught, packed up a couple of pressure-cooker bombs and cowardly dropped them along the road without any fanfare, primal screams, or prayers.  They were just ready to party.  Fortunately, the FBI was able to oblige.

Much credit was given to Boston on the reaction of fans and officials alike, but we must remember that most of the people affected were from outside the Boston area.  It is a fitting tribute to all Americans to see even the injured stay relatively calm as the terrible events unfolded.  News footage from around the world skims across the internet showing tragedies where scores of people are crying and screaming at bombings, earthquakes and tsunamis, loved ones bent over the dead and injured wailing, wringing their hands and praying.  We watch these heartfelt scenes and we think, “What would we do in such a situation?”  After watching the horrible images of the New York World Trade Center and the Boston Marathon Bombing, I believe the answer is clear–  we pitch in!  We pull the debris aside and tend to the injured, comfort the wounded, and hug the frightened.  After the initial shock, we stay together, rehabilitate the injured, bury the dead, and hunt down the killers.  A little later, we resume our lives.  We take back the little pieces of our lives that these people try and blow away from us.

No government, nation, people, military or police force can guarantee safety from a terrorist attack.  It will happen again.  We cannot stop them, but . . . they cannot stop us.  There are more of us than them and it will always remain so.  Letting these cowards scare us off our own streets, away from our festivities and daily activities means they win.  Don’t let them.  Go out without fear and show that the word “terror” is something you reserve for the Saturday afternoon matinee movie.  Show anyone and everyone that tries to destroy your way of life that they can’t do it.  And when they do, they will be hunted down like a rabid animal.  They want nothing from you but your fear.  Don’t let them win!

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Bohemian Rapsody!

John Debella was taking requests on his morning radio show at Philadelphia’s Classic Rock WMGK a few years ago when he received this call:

“WMGK, what can I play for you, my man!” John said.

With slightly slurred speech a man said, ” I want to hear Bahamian Rassidy!”

“O.K., my man! We’ll get that on for you in a minute!  But first, it’s Bohemian Rapsody by Queen.  O.K., say it!  Bohemian Rapsody!”

“Bahamian Rassidy!”

“No, no, no!  Bohemian Rapsody, my man!  O.K. , let’s try this! Say BO!”

“BO!”

“Say, HE!”

“HE!”

“Say, MIAN!”

“MIAN!”

“Good!  Say BO-HE-MIAN!”

“BO-HE-MIAN!”

“Now say RAP!”

“RAP!”

“Say SO!”

“SO!”

“Say DEE!”

“DEE!”

“Say RAP-SO-DEE!”

“RAP-SO-DEE!”

“Great my man!  That’s just great!  Now say BOHEMIAN RAPSODY!”

“BAHAMIAN RASSIDY!”

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Tricks of the Trade and Rules of Thumb!

Even in a high-tech precision world, not much is accomplished without a few “tricks-of-the-trade” or “rules of thumb.”  Why?  Because, despite mechanization and computer manipulation, there is a real world filled with real people who are tasked with getting things done.  Tricks of the trade are special skills or special knowledge in a trade or profession that allows one to perform at a faster or higher level.  A rule of thumb allows someone to determine a value or recall something without laborious measurement or calculation.  A rule of thumb is easy to learn and easy to apply.  You might say tricks of the trade come from experience and rules of thumb are educated guesses, but a little of each is necessary for both.

Tricks of the trade, as you might guess, stems from the fact that a certain amount of experience is needed in skilled trades and mechanics to perform at a high level.  Many of these tricks are a result of trial and error, like learning to cut plywood on a curve with a straight-bladed power saw.  A carpenter might use a tool designed for that purpose first, such as a coping saw or a saber saw, but soon learns that cutting large circles or arcs requires more control and accuracy than those smaller tools can provide. Cutting large arcs or circles in plywood is a good example.

Patterns, dead men, and nails are useful aids in carpentry trade trickery, especially if you are working alone or are limited in personnel.  The art of scribing is particularly useful in carpentry, holding a pencil at the end of a rule or tape, and sliding the other hand along the material or workpiece edge to draw a straight line.  This shortens the process of marking and using a straight edge or chalk line to cut or mark lumber or plywood.  My favorite was the use of a pattern to mark repetitive lengths of lumber, like studs, headers, and rafters developed by “saw man” Jack Reed.  Jack always pre-cut lumber for houses so that when a framing crew came out to the site, all the lumber for rafters, joists, windows and doors were cut and ready to fasten together.  Some of this work required that the end of the pattern was flush, or even, with the end of the lumber.  Since Jack usually worked alone, he walked from one end of the cutting piece to the other– once to flush the end– the other to mark and cut.  Usually Jack asked an old friend, Charles Lee, to assist by making sure the boards were even, or flush, saving Jack a lot of time and energy.

No one ever called Mr. Lee “Charles” as his nickname was “Hokey.”  Hokey Lee was a descent carpenter and reputed drinker all his life.  He was tall, thin and weathered after forty years of construction work, but he worked hard and a very affable man.  Everyone liked Hokey Lee especially after work when Hokey would stop at a bar on the way home and buy everyone a drink.  Jack Reed, on the other hand, liked to stop for a drink on the way to work, more than likely to visit his friends who talked a local bar owner into opening six  o’clock in the morning.  Hokey liked working with Jack, as Jack would be on the job site at dawn and just the two of them would work as the sun rose.  Jack liked working alone and never wanted anyone’s help, save for using Hokey to line up the lumber.

Jack Reed was a short, gruff character with a huge beer belly.  He didn’t talk much, never smiled and was efficient at reducing a lumber pile into a well-organized stack of framing material.  Everybody knew Jack and they knew if they put the wrong piece of cut lumber in the wrong place, they faced the threat of Jack Reed slicing them up one side and down the other with his Skilsaw.

One summer day, as I drove out to one of the houses my crew was framing on a development, I saw Jack, saw dust flying, working alone next to a disassembled pile of lumber.  I rolled down my window and shouted,

“Hey, Jack! Where’s Hokey?”

“He right here!” Jack answered, not looking up.

“Where?”

“Right here” he said, as he pointed to a little block of wood tacked to the end of a jack stud.  I started laughing when I saw a small block of wood nailed on the end of his pattern, hanging down enough to allow him to pull the pattern forward until the block was tight against the lumber piece to be cut, eliminating the need for Hokey Lee to help flush the ends.

“I call it a Hokey Lee!  It doesn’t give me any shit and I don’t have to buy it beer!” Jack said without lifting his head.

That was over forty years ago and I remember the scene vividly.  It’s amazing how such characters affix themselves into our memory permanently.  Every time I use a static device like this–  a dead man, block of wood, a nail as a temporary ledger– I call it a Hokey Lee to this day.  A good rule of thumb?  Remember the little people in your life.

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The Mighty OZ!

I sat in the dentist chair like so many times before as the dental assistant told me it was time for my annual X-rays.  She lay a heavy lead apron across my chest, as was usual, but then she reached into a drawer, pulled out a small lead-lined “cod piece” and gently appareled my neck.

“What the hell is this thing?” I asked.

“It’s a thyroid collar.” she said.

“A what?”

“A thyroid collar”

“Why?”

“Doctor Oz.” she said.

“Doctor Oz?”

“Yes, Oz!”

She further explained that most of the women patients demanded thyroid protection during routine X-rays after watching an episode of Dr. Oz where the good doctor extolled the dangers of radiation from dental X-rays after mentioning that thyroid cancer is “the fastest-growing cancer in women.” He warned the audience that folks receiving more than five (5) X-rays a year raise their risk of developing thyroid cancer by a factor of four.  To add to the uninitiated fun, Oz invited Dr. Carolyn Runowicz, a gynecological cancer specialist, to the show who said she wouldn’t be X-rayed if the only reason was to check her teeth.  Perhaps Dr. Runowicz knows another reason for dental X-rays.  Interesting that a “gynecological” cancer specialist is commenting on teeth and thyroid glands.

This all leads to the question, “How did Dr. Oz become ‘Bullwinkle the Moose’ of all medical professions and specialties from ablation to Zinsser Disease?”  It all started with the woman who plagued us with psychological know-it-all Dr. Phil McGraw, Oprah Winfrey.  Oprah started out as a pleasant and fun talk show host, but as often happens with celebrity, she actually began believing she could save the world.  At any rate, here we are, stuck with two seemingly well-meaning professionals spouting dangerous information for all the supermarket tabloid-reading public to absorb.

Dr. Mehmet Oz, a Turkish-American, is, or was, a good thoracic-surgeon (think Hawkeye Pierce of M*A*S*H fame) and sports an impressive resume: Bachelors degree by Harvard, dual Masters degree by the University of Penn and a Doctorate awarded by Columbia, but what the general public doesn’t understand is that thoracic surgery is such a dedicated, narrow field of study, such men and women have neither the time nor the inclination to stray from that field of study if they are to stay at the “top of their game.”  So, for the mighty Oz to spew medical information on everything from skin care to herbal medicine is akin to a circus spectacle suitable for, well, the former Oprah Winfrey Show.  You’re better off getting your medical advice from where “baby boomers” learned about sex– on the street.

A few physicians are mounting a war against Dr. Oz’s misinformation, like David H. Gorski, MD, PhD, at the blog Science-Based Medicine, Val Jones, MD, at GetBetterHealth.com, and the American College of Physicians member, Dr. Peter A. Lipson.  It’s the battle of the clinicians versus medical terrorism and it’s doubtful these doctors can overcome the power and mystique of Hollywood.  Whether you believe Dr. Oz is distributing bad information, is just wrong or even dangerous, Dr. Lipson states it best– Dr. Oz’s advice is too simplistic and over-reaching.  Dr. Lipson writes “Everyone knows that good eating and exercise are good. Having someone repeat it over and over, and telling you it is a sure thing to prevent heart attacks is idiocy.”

Regarding Dr. Oz’s facts and figures on X-rays and thyroid cancer?  The website “xrayrisk.com” calculates the risk of someone receiving four (4) X-rays each year for forty years as 0.004157 %, or 1 in 24056.  That’s over 80 X-rays!  Your chance of drowning is 1 in one thousand, which means 24 people will drown first before developing thyroid cancer.  Or you might contract something from the Know-It-Oz’s kids as his wife refuses to allow their children to be immunized.

As to dental X-rays, most tooth decay cannot be found without the aid of X-rays, which could lead to a smile that is, dare I say, not Hollywood worthy, Dr. Runowicz?  Although my dentist bowed to the pressure of Dr. Oz, my family doctor posted cartoon posters on his examination room doors stating, “Thank you for not mentioning Dr. Oz.”  If they wish to leave his practice because he doesn’t recommend the voodoo practices of talk show medicine, perhaps they can schedule something with the Mighty Oz.

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Is It Heaven or Hell?

Everyone that is human on this planet thinks about Heaven and Hell at some point in life.  For some, the choice is easy . . .  Jews and atheists have no Heaven or Hell and oddly enough, neither do the Klingons, but they’re not exactly human.  Mark Twain in his short story, “Is it Heaven? Or Hell?” challenges the strict confines of Christianity by exposing the flawed concepts between right and wrong with regards to degrees of lying, i.e. is a “white lie” a sin?  This is a conundrum involving the devout versus “closet” Christians, I suppose.  But is the concept of a Heaven and a Hell really about the reward or punishment in a ubiquitous afterlife?  Or is it more about us being the horse or the buggy in a sin-ridden world, the bridal and bit keeping us on the straight path or keeping in line by following someone . . . or something . . . throughout our lives?  Perhaps it depends on who you think is at the reins –  God, Satan or Donald Trump.

So, how did we get into this predicament about Heaven and Hell?  What’s all the worrying about?  Let’s examine the roots, if you will, regarding the creation of Heaven and Hell.

The first mention of any type of reward or punishment for deeds in the afterlife is in the sixth century B.C. with Persia’s advent of Zoroastrianism.  Zoroastrianism is essentially the first monotheistic religion whose endgame is based on a scorecard of good deeds and bad.  Perform more good deeds than bad, you’re a candidate for Heaven; do more bad deeds than good, burn in Hell.  Should you tie the score, there is an intermediate stage, probably similar to the Catholic “purgatory,” where you can wait to enter Heaven.  The Catholic version is where one waits for the “purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.”  Yippee ki yay!

About 400 years after the death of Christ, the Christian religions pick up the option for the Heaven and Hell idea, and the modern concept of good versus evil really gets rolling.  The Muslims toss their version of heaven and hell in the ring, too, but they don’t get all territorial about it.  For the next 2000 years, all monotheistic religions worth their weight in chicken feathers, paint vivid pictures on just what is a good heaven and what is a good, if evil, hell.

Heaven is a great place to live, apparently, since it is bright, comfortable, and adorned with gold, jewels and other expensive materials, like granite countertops.  The angels are tall, blonde and handsome and everything rests on some type of cloud or fog.  Heaven is the “happening place,” even though there’s no mention of widescreen TV’s.

Hell is smoke damaged beyond repair and is sort of like living in Centralia, Pennsylvania–  always a fire burning somewhere.  Despite all the fires, it’s still a dark, smokey, stinky place where fiery red, blistered demons dance around damned human souls.  To make matters worse, it’s purported by some that Penny Marshall sits in a corner singing “Schlemiel!  Schlimazel! . . . ” for eternity.  That’s gotta be hell!

With those descriptions, it’s no wonder that Heaven is much more popular than Hell.  According to Greg Smith, a senior researcher at Pew, 74% of Americans believe in Heaven, while only 59% believe in Hell.  That means 15% of the people who believe in Heaven, don’t believe in Hell, and you must ask yourself, “What’s the point?”  Nobody in that 15% is threatened with eternal damnation, so why go to Heaven when there is so much fun to be had here on earth.  I guessing that this 15% would probably be atheists if they had any holidays.  Whether you can “hedge” your bet by convincing others that you’re a true believer is questionable.  Devout Christians will remind you that God knows everything, much like your mother-in-law, so you folks on the fence may want to try out the “ah, yeah, sure, I believe!” schtick on the wife’s mom.  If she buys it, so will God.

And just one more thing– although the Jewish bible never mentions Hell, it does refer to a place called Sheol. It’s a deep dark region also known as “the Pit” or “the Land of Forgetfulness,” whose inhabitants live some type of shadowy existence cut off from the rest of humanity.  It really doesn’t sound worse than most assisted-living facilities, so if you need a little practical experience in dealing with a “not-so-heavenly” existence, try checking in at a local 55-and-over community or . . . you could move in your mother-in-law for a couple of weeks.

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Ryan’s Budget Proposal a “Scandal?”

While watching ABC’s political drama, Scandal, I realized that former vice-presidential candidate, Paul Ryan, is a fan.  Apparently, he tunes in to the hit show gathering tips and tidbits on creating a national budget from fictional President Fitzgerald T. Grant.  The Hollywood President won his election by promising to reduce the federal budget by 4.5 trillion dollars within the next ten (10) years.  Ryan, the House Budget Chairman and failed veep candidate, did Scandal’s leader of the free world one better by proposing a budget cut of 4.6 trillion dollars. Back in August 2012 (and before the election), Ryan proposed a 4.8 trillion dollar budget reduction, but after season two of Scandal, Ryan adjusted those figures to be more in tune with the TV viewing public.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Scandal, ABC’s hit show about an alcoholic, womanizing U.S. President and his consort, Olivia Pope, is the perfect soap opera for Washington politicians, as it contains a lot of fiction and very few facts.  What better source of information does a Washington insider need on campaign tricks, cheating, and budget proposals than the creative writing of Shonda Rhimes and her crew.  And what better fiction than reading Paul Ryan’s budget.  The Republicans even named the budget calling it The Path to Prosperity: A Blueprint for American Renewal.  Sounds very Hollywood to me.  Originally it was called, The Path to Prosperity: Restoring America’s Promise, but oddly enough, the name changed again during the second season of Scandal.  The Democrats call the budget by some other names, none of them very flattering.

If Paul Ryan wishes to use President Grant’s numbers to reduce the budget, perhaps he should look less at Fitzpatrick Grant’s budget and more toward Ulysses S. Grant’s.  First of all, the middle initial “S” in Ulysses S. Grant stood for “scandal” during his presidency with no less than eight major outrageous problems, including the Black Friday Gold Panic, the New York Custom House ring, doubling his salary in the Salary Grab, and the Sanborn contracts.  Like the Hollywood version of the Commander-in-chief, Ulysses Grant was a clinical alcoholic, but his budget figures are really something on which both Democrats and Republicans can agree.

Total government spending for Grant’s first year in office was a paltry $334,000,000.00 with a national deficit of only $96,000,000.00.  Ulysses could never comprehend a trillion dollars, let alone a proposal to reduce the budget by trillions of dollars.  But let’s examine what bang Americans got for their federal bucks back then.  Well, anything spent on government pensions?  Nope!  Education?  Nope!  Health care?  Nope!  Welfare?  Nope!  Defense?  Yup, a total of $108,000,000.00!  Today, that’ll buy the Army 6400 drip pans for the transmissions on Blackhawk helicopters.  Last year, however, the Army only needed 6.5 million dollars worth, so back in 1870, Grant could have ordered 15 Blackhawks with the money leftover.  And you thought today’s Army wasn’t frugal.

Perhaps Paul Ryan’s budget is on the right track after all, placing the burden of transportation, education, pensions and health care on somebody else.  Why should the federal government be responsible for such onerous money-sucking tasks?  There’s got to be plenty of money at the state and local levels, right?  That way, we can enjoy not having those things that weren’t available anyway during President Grant’s administration, like home refrigerators and paved roads.  Save the Federal dollars for what we do best–  making and dropping bombs.  You don’t need roadways or an educated populace for that.  In fact, it’s better if the nation’s constituency is ignorant and home-bound, and it would certainly add a new dimension to the term “March on Washington.”  And if the politicians are lucky, it will rain when anyone wants to go to Washington to protest.  Dirt roads turn into muddy roads.

"Some Blackhawks would put a smile on my face!"

One final note, do you really think any Geico customer would really be happier than Ulysses S. Grant with 15 Blackhawk helicopters?  To find the answer to this, and other questions, like “What will Paul Ryan do next?,” tune in to this week’s episode of ABC’s Scandal.

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The Wonder of It All!

It’s a bright, wintery morning as I watch the birds feed on the back porch.  Chickadees, titmice and juncos bounce around the porch and table working hard for a breakfast consisting solely of oiled sunflower seeds, save for an occasional stray corn kernel that pops out of the pile.  The chickadees are very social creatures, lining up in a nearby rhododendron, flying in one at a time, picking up a seed and retreating again.  The titmice are a little less polite, as they fly in two or three at a time, each bird picking up a seed,  discarding it and grabbing another before flying off again.  The juncos are party animals, hopping around the deck, picking up a seed, devouring it, then hopping to the next seed, never leaving the deck until gorged.  I glance at the outside thermometer mounted above the porch . . . 15 degrees Fahrenheit. . .  fifty-five degrees colder than in the kitchen where I sit.

I press my finger against the glass of the sliding door.  It is extremely cold to the touch, but nowhere near the temperature outside.  It is a “double-glazing,” often referred to by the brand name “Thermopane.”  I look at the birds, the snow, the dwindling pile of seeds and think about the wonder of it all.  I think of all the inventions and knowledge our species gathered over the past several thousand years, wonder why we cheat, steal, rob, murder and go to war.  And I wonder if we would be as advanced as we are without those horrible social pressures.  Most advancements in chemistry, physics, engineering and medicine were borne of adversity and atrocity such as war.  And I wonder how it affects me as I sit in my kitchen . . . a kitchen with electricity, modern appliances, a constant supply of fresh water and a collection of waste water piping carrying liquids, fluids and bits of organic material no longer any use to me.

I wonder if the omnipresent cell phone texting generations ever think about how we got here, and maybe, just maybe, where we’re going.  I wonder.  But today . . . today, none of that matters, as I sit on a stool, inches from a transparent barrier five-eighths of an inch thick that separates we humans from the rest of nature’s beasts.  By now the seeds are few and the juncos are not quite gorged.  Soon I will go out and replenish the seeds, because no junco, or no one, goes hungry here.  Five-eighths of an inch; a difference of 55 degrees and I think about the wonder of it all.

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And The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon!

If you behave, I'll give you a lollipop!

John Kerry told the Egyptians to stop bickering and come to a political consensus during his visit last Saturday during his visit to that country.  According to Kerry, the U.S. is concerned about Egypt emerging from an economic crisis and qualifying for a $4.8 billion International Monetary Fund loan package.  Yes, Alanis, there is irony here.  The fact that the Secretary of State of any country would castigate a nation’s politicians for in-fighting when his own Congress is the most partisan, obstructionist collection of back-biting, goof-balls in history is nearly hysterical.  It’s not completely hysterical, because after the meeting, the U.S. rewarded Egypt with $250 million dollars, a little seed money if you will, if they behave.  And to think my parents never gave me one red cent for straight “A’s” or for staying out of jail.  It’s a good thing President Mohamed Morsi didn’t rattle off a few disparaging words like fiscal cliff, budget deadlines and sequester.  It’s not nice to bicker with the Candyman.

In all fairness to Egypt, “bickering” is a step up from the political upheaval suffered by its government.  After the unceremonious booting of former President Hosni Mubarak in 2011, the Muslim Brotherhood became the predominant political party after electing Mohamed Morsi as the Egyptian President.  The Muslim Brotherhood is one of the largest and most powerful Muslim organizations on the planet at 300,000 strong, and its violent history, including a a failed attempt to assassinate President Gamal Abdel Nasser in 1954, concerns many in the U.S. Congress.  Some of the world’s most dangerous terrorists were members of the group, including Osama bin Laden’s top deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri.  After the 9/11 attack, the Muslim Brotherhood moved away from violent practices and began participating in electoral politics, which draws much criticism from the extreme Muslim factions, particularly al-Qaeda.  In fact, no violent acts are attributed to Brotherhood since 1970.  Seems the Brotherhood is like porridge in a fairy tale–  too hot for the U.S.; too cold for the al-Qaeda.  But the voters in Egypt think the Brotherhood is “just right.”

Like most groups, the Brotherhood is not a homogenous lot.  Some are extremists, some liberal, some conservative and so on, much like the U.S. Congress, for instance.  Congresswoman Michele Bachmann and four other congressional leaders wrote a letter to the Inspectors General asking how the Brotherhood is influencing our culture and our internal government security.  Apparently, they believe that this group is infiltrating the intelligence community in the U.S.  In other words, Big Brotherhood is watching.  This group of conservatives imply that today the Brotherhood captured Egypt; tomorrow, the U.S.  Not that that’s bickering, because they wrote a letter . . .  and you thought Congress wasn’t earning its money.  One of the signers, Representative Lynn Westmoreland, said, “The Muslim Brotherhood may not have the name recognition of al-Qaeda or the Taliban, but that does not mean they don’t have the potential to be just as deadly.”  Throw in the Democrats and the Girl Scouts, too, because anyone who wins an election is as deadly as al-Qaeda.

To think that such suspicion and fear is spouted by a legislative group responsible for a dozen wars in its short history is comically incongruous.  And due to its policies and actions in recent history, voters, non-voters, soldiers, tax payers and the majority of ordinary citizens don’t like or trust the U.S. Congress.  Why should anybody outside of the nation’s boundaries like or trust Congress, either?  Certain people in Congress just don’t like Muslims, and likewise, there’s a big bunch of Muslims that don’t like Americans, but it seems to me that Congress and the Muslim Brotherhood are more alike than either likes  to admit.  Both argue, fight, bicker, condone violence, and mouth off a lot.

So when John Kerry tells Egypt to stop bickering, well . . . as the old adage goes, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”  It helps, of course, to just give’em some dough. Maybe that’s the real reason a pyramid is printed on the back of the U.S. dollar.  And the rest of us?  The little dog laughed to see such sport, and the dish ran away with the spoon.

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